As an Ember
by stafadox
Summary: Story based on Richard Armitage's commentary about Thorin. Thorin/OFC. Rating will go up, but it's a slow build.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This idea hasn't left me alone for a few weeks now. I have no idea how long this is going to be, or exactly how it's going to end. I know what I want to happen, but we'll see. It's based on a conversation between me and my sister as well as some of Richard Armitage's comments on Thorin.

It will be OFC perspective.

The market was more crowded than usual. People bustled past each other, and the chatter of haggling filled her ears. She pushed through a line of men bickering over the price of two-day-old bread, and made her way to the nearest vegetable stand.

"Here for more potatoes, Hegrir?"

"And carrots, onions, turnips, parsnips," she paused a moment and scrunched her nose, "and peas if you have them. Oh! And turnips."

"You said that already."

"Ah, yes, well. You know the order as well as I do. Gered makes the same stew everyday, so I shouldn't even need to give the list anymore, Meldaer."

"What precisely are you implying, dwarf?"

"That mine is not the only memory that seems fleeting."

The grey haired stand owner smiled. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Just put the vegetables in my pack, man," Hegri handed her bag over to Meldaer and smiled back at him. "I have somewhere I need to be."

"Bed, I presume?" He replied with a half grin and raised eyebrow as he pulled the vegetables from their crates.

"I wish! I have to get to the butcher yet, and then back to the inn. There are repairs to be made today, as always."

Meldaer paused a moment to regard the dwarf in front of him. He nodded, seemingly in approval. The parsnips found their way into the sack as Meldaer exhaled loudly through his nose. Hegri quirked her eyebrow. Meldaer looked over to the carrots and said, "Gered is lucky to have found such a strong lad to help keep that place from falling down around him. I know most of the people around here are a bit leery of you, but I know you aren't going to up and take him for what he's worth and leave."

Her head fell to the side and she studied him a moment. "Is that meant as a compliment?"

Color creeped up Meldaer's neck. He hurriedly stuffed potatoes in the bag. "I only meant that…"

"I know what you meant, but I am neither deaf nor stupid and I heard the implication." She sighed. "However, I will take it for what it was meant to be." Meldaer held the vegetable bag out to Hegri, and a sheepish grin spread across his face. She took it and smiled at the man.

"Thank you, lad," he called as she turned to head toward the butcher's shop.

She stopped a moment and called over her shoulder. "I am hardly a lad; likely I am older than you. See you tomorrow, Meldaer."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Miałam czytelnicy z Polsce? Kocham to! Ja studiuję język polski. :)

The vegetable sack smacked loudly against the stone floor of the kitchen. Blood pooled under the slab of meat she laid on the counter. She took a moment to stretch her neck and arms and sighed. The shuffle of feet behind her alerted her that someone else had come in the room.

"How did you find the market this morning?" Gered asked.

"Crowded. I found some new cloth that would make excellent sheets. It was fairly cheap, but decently soft. Hold on, she gave me a small piece to show you." Hegri's tongue stuck out on her lower lip while she dug around in her pocket. "Here," she said as she handed him the small strip of cloth. "There are at least four rooms that need new sheets. It would take me about a week total to get the cloth and make them, given everything else that still needs done."

"Help me get these vegetables ready for the stew while you talk."

"Well, there's really not much else to say," Hegri said as she picked her bag up off the floor. "Those rooms need sheets, and this fabric will do decently for them. It's just a matter of finding the time to make them. And I wanted to let you see it first, of course," she said.

"And you think it will take you a week to make them?" Gered asked, looking her directly in the eyes.

"Well, it would take less time if I put off some of the other work. I don't want to put off working on that bit on roof. I have to pound out a few new tiles for the north side before it rains, otherwise we'll have a leak to clean up, too. And it would be cheaper for me to make the nails for it, as long as I have the forge going. But we don't have the metal for it, and that may take a day or two to get."

Hegri looked as though she was going to continue with her list, and so Gered took advantage of the brief opening. "We'll get the cloth." Hegri looked at him, slightly taken aback. "We'll get the cloth, and the metal for the roof and nails and whatever else we need to fix. And we'll get some extra help while we're at it."

Hegri blinked. Her eyebrow raised, and she narrowed her eyes at Gered. "What? I can get everything taken care of."

Gered smiled. "I'm not saying you can't. Just that there are a good number of repairs, big and small, that need done right now, and a bit of help won't hurt."

"Who? There aren't many here that are willing to help a dwarf. There are fewer here who think you sane for trusting me not to steal anything of value when you're not looking. And there are fewer still that I would be willing to work with." Gered's eyebrows shot up. Hegri sighed. "Most of the men tolerate me at best. And I have no desire to try and become bosom buddies with them."

"Lucky us, then. There was a group in here earlier talking about some dwarves looking for work. You won't have to be around the men, and you'll have a chance to find out what's gone on with your brethren."

The color drained from Hegri's face. "I…I don't think that would be wise, Gered."

"Why not?"

"Because I intend to stay here. I've made a life for myself. I have a handful of solid friends, a purpose, you. I don't want to have to leave and start over again."

"Why would you have to leave?"

"Because it's easy enough to fool Men, but dwarves will know that I am a woman. There will be no fooling them, and they will not be happy that I am here with you. I do not want to be forced to handle their judgment, or prodding to go with them. And what if they let the Men know? They'll have even less respect for me, and you for that matter. They already think you a bit eccentric, but living with a dwarven woman? They would think us lovers." She shook her head from side to side violently, and her eyes found the floor. "No. No, I will not have it. I would have to leave."

"Is that what this is about, or are you scared that you might know them?"

Her neck cracked audibly as she looked up at him. "What? Of course not! Why would you even think to suggest such a thing? That's absurd!"

"Hegri…"

"No, I am going back to the market. I am getting the cloth, and seeing about the metal, and then I will be back to take care of things. I do not need the help of the men. Or dwarves." She turned around, and stomped petulantly to the door. She stopped, and stared at the greying wood. Her shoulders drooped. "I don't need the help, Gered. I know you mean well, but it would be a disaster," she said and reached for the knob.

"Fine," he said as the door swung open. "You go to market and pick up the supplies you need. But I already asked some of the men to send for the dwarves. They'll be here in time for supper."

Her hand found the doorframe and clung to it. Her head dropped. Gered watched her breathing become more labored. She took a moment to compose herself, and turned to him. "Alright, but I will not serve them. I will not speak to them. I will keep myself safely in my room and you can give them their food and banter with them. I will be back as soon as I can."

Hegri turned around and walked through the doorway. Gered called after her, "You'll have to talk about it at some point. You're not the only dwarf in creation, you know. And I am keenly aware of how much help we could use.

"If you're truly concerned about me, or how I am thought of, then you must think of the state of the inn, as well. It's run down and in need of repairs. An inn falling apart is no inn in which to sleep. You know it. So this? It's more than concern for my reputation, and we both know it."

"We will talk, then, when I get back. After I've had a chance to clear my head," she responded in a clipped tone. He was right, but that did nothing to change the fact that she wished he was not.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: While I plan to update regularly, I must admit I cannot guarantee it will be more than once a week for the duration of the story. I work a 40 hour a week job, and am revising an academic paper for publication at the moment. I will do my best, though, I promise.

The road in front of Hegri seemed at once terribly long and dreadfully short. There was not much distance between the inn and the market, which would not allow her much time to sort through the tempest that raged in her mind. It did, however, ensure that she would be able to make it to the market and back before too long; this would provide the most certainty in avoiding the unwanted visitors. She was unsure how this made her feel.

It seemed to her that all the possible outcomes of the day's events were playing in her mind. _ I need more time to work through this_, she thought. Her feet stopped moving, and her eyes drifted shut. She swallowed.

_The best case scenario_, she thought while she pinched the bridge of her nose, _is that I do not so much as see them. Nothing changes and I stay where I am, as I am. _

Her eyes opened. Her arm fell back to her side, and she stared at the ground._The worst case is that I see them, I know them, and everything crumbles around me. _

She began moving again. _I'll have to leave and start over again someplace else. And I'll have to do my best to ignore their requests to go with them when they leave._ A bitter smile played at the corner of her mouth. _No. That's not quite the worst, I suppose. I suppose that they could discover me and then simply leave me again. _

After the thought flitted through her mind, the storm seemed to quiet, but it did not pass entirely. A sickening feeling of dread pooled in her stomach. She shook her head. "I will not do this to myself," she said lowly.

She continued her walk. _My, the clouds are looking ominous. Perhaps it _will_ rain tonight_. She took a deep breath through her nose and felt the dust stick in her nostrils. _Not that it would be entirely unwelcome. And the flower garden could certainly use a drink that I didn't have to haul from the well. A downpour may not be so awful after all, roof leaks aside. _

Though she felt in a hurry, she made sure to notice as much as she could about her surroundings. Weeds grew up along the path. Flowers, small and blue, bloomed just beyond the ditch to her right. Birds chirped brightly from the bush behind her. Her mind was focused on everything except that which she had told Gered she needed to think on.

When she reached the market, Hegri's mind when into a spin again. Her skin crawled. It was not uncommon that she attracted attention during her outings, but at this moment, she felt the eyes on her more keenly than usual. _What would- will- they think? They already don't trust me, but to have confirmation I am liar?_

She brushed past people, apologies muttered less politely than they would have been on another day. She could not shake the feeling of eyes boring into her back. Her sense of dread only continued to escalate. She could have cried with relief when she saw the cloth shop in front of her.

Hegri felt the desire to be safely tucked away in her room and away from prying eyes grow overpowering. The pool of dread spread up her chest. Her breath came in short pants and she could feel her pulse in her neck. She pushed harder through the crowd. Apologies were now forgotten completely.

Her head snapped sharply to the left. _Did someone just call to me?_ Her pulse began throbbing in her temples. _No. No, it was just a trick of a worried mind. Get the cloth, Hegri. Get the cloth and get back to Gered. The metal can wait. Be done with this mess. Have a solid cry in your room, and move on. _She darted into an opening in the crowd, and pushed herself the rest of the way to the shop.

A bell jingled on the door.

"Back already, Hegrir?" Hegri gave a quick nod. "Ah. Gered liked the cloth then?"  
"He certainly did, though I doubt he really had a strong opinion. He's not the one that will be sleeping on it, after all. But I think it will suit just fine."  
"Always pragmatic. Is it just you, or are all dwarves this way?" The shopkeeper's lopsided grin did nothing to quell the rising frustration Hegri felt.  
"It's the same with dwarves as it is with Men. I need two bolts, please." The shopkeeper's eyebrow raised.  
"In a hurry?" she asked as she walked to the far wall.  
"Yes. There's still much to be done back at the inn. We're expecting a crowd tonight, and supper needs finished yet."  
"Ah, well in that case," she said as she filled her arms with the bolts of cloth Hegri requested, "I will do my best to not keep you." She walked quickly back to the counter and set them down. "Cost is the same as we already discussed." Hegri set a small bag on the counter; the coins inside clinked against each other. "See you again soon, Hegrir," the shopkeeper said as she picked up the bag to feel the weight. The dwarf loaded the cloth into her arm and onto her shoulder.  
The bell jingled as she left the shop.  
The crowd had not diminished any during her short visit. However, it was more compliant with the will of a dwarf carrying two large bolts of cloth than a solitary dwarf weaving through throngs of merchants and shoppers. People stepped quickly out of the way, wishing to avoid being hit.

The bolts dug painfully into her shoulder. _Get back quickly, and it will stop hurting sooner_, she thought. Though she was laden with cloth, the thought spurred her to move at a faster pace than she had earlier.

The sign of _The Bronze Boar_ came into view. Her eyes darted around the building, and she saw no one. She heard the breath escape through her lips more than she felt it. Her eyes closed briefly, and her pace became gruelling.

She was at the heavy back door in a short matter of minutes. She leaned in towards it, and hit it with the bolts. Hegri paused. No sound came from inside the door. She leaned in and hit the door again.

"Coming!" She heard from one of the front rooms. She took a moment to readjust the weight on her shoulder. Feet padded across the floor just beyond the door. The bolts continued to dig into her flesh, and she adjusted them again with her teeth bared and a short hiss.

The door creaked open a sliver, and she pushed her way through it. "'Scuse me," she said while she walked over the threshold. The bolts were dropped almost immediately on the ground. Her neck strained to the right as she stretched. She sighed. "That feels much better."

"Are you ready to talk?" Gered asked her.

"Straight to the point, eh?"

"See no reason not to be."

"Not here; let's go up to the counting room," Hegri said. They trudged through the halls. Stairs creaked under their weight. Hegri reached the door first, and held it for Gered. He nodded a polite _thank you_ and walked in. Hegri followed and pulled the door shut behind her.

Gered turned on his heel, and looked her in the eyes. "Go on, then," he said.

"Where would you like me to start?"  
"The beginning."  
"I fear we won't have time enough for that," Hegri said.

"Then start where you think it most relevant."

She looked at the wall. Her arms crossed her chest, and she grabbed her arms tightly. "From whence do you think I hail?"

"I assume the Iron Mountains."

"I am from Erebor." Hegri turned her head to look at Gered. His eyes widened slightly.

"Erebor?"

"Yes."

"I heard it was destroyed."

"Why do you think I am here, and not singing happily, surrounded by family?"

She blinked at him. When he said nothing, she continued, "I was in Dale the day the dragon came. Everything was burning around me. I can still recall the flames and the heat and the screaming around me. Everyone was running. Children cried for their parents and parents for their children. Women cried out for their husbands; husbands cried out for their wives. I witnessed some of them cradling loved ones, dead in their arms. I saw some who cried for their homes and possessions. The flames were consuming everything.

"Then someone knocked into me, hard. I fell over, and hit my head on stone wall. I remember blackness. There was sweet emptiness. The cries no longer reached my ears, and my skin didn't feel scorched anymore.

"I awoke days later. When I came to my senses, the first thing I noticed was the acrid stench of charred wood. My head hurt like it never had in my life. Hunger gnawed at my stomach and my throat was dry. I remember getting up, and trying to find water. It was then that I noticed the stillness.

"Rubble was still smoldering. There were bodies lying everywhere. Nothing moved. There was no sound except my footfalls. I was alone." Hegri stopped. She drew breath in through her nose and wiped at her eyes. Gered only looked at her.

"I was alone, and I knew better than to think that no one had survived. They'd left me." Silence hung in the air for several long moments.

"How..."

"Did I survive?" Gered nodded. "Not literally everything was burned. I scrounged what I could. A canvas pack, a water skin, a bit of old bread if I'm recalling correctly. There was a sweetcake, too. With berry on the top. It was still fresh-tasting. The cake was moist and the berry popped in my mouth. I'd never had something so good in my life."

Hegri laughed dryly and shook her head. "Anyway. I thought to make my way to Esgaroth. I'd hoped the dragon had not been there. I hoped to find what was left of my kin. As is turns out, I ran into a small party of Men the day after I left what remained of Dale. They could see the smoke from the town, and had heard rumours. Where, I have no idea. Perhaps they were fears they merely called rumours. Regardless, I confirmed them, and they let me stay on as a cook. It was then I began to masquerade as a male.

"I stayed with them for quite some time. We wandered around, taking odd jobs in towns along the countryside. When we arrived here, I decided I'd had enough of them and enough of wandering. You know my story from there."

The two stood in silence for several long moments. Gered finally took a step forward. His eyes reached Hegri's. He reached his arms out to her. She took a step back, shook her head, and smiled. "No. It's fine, really."

A loud knock rang through the hallway. Hegri looked at the closed door behind her. "They are here," she said.

Gered looked at her a moment longer. Another knock echoed outside the door. "There is more to this story," he said.

"Yes."  
"You are not going to share it with me."

"No."

He walked towards her, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "If you feel the need to, I will be here to listen, Hegri," he said. He pulled the door open and walked out.

She stood in the room, looking out into the hallway. She listened as Gered made his way down the stairs. Another knock, and Gered called, "Yes, yes, I'm coming." She smiled.

_Always impatient_, she thought. She heard the door scrape across the floor.

"Welcome!" She could hear the smile in Gered's voice.

"Indeed," came the response. The voice was familiar. She knew it, but it took a moment for her place it. Her back straightened, and tears began to well in her eyes.

"No. I cannot be," she whispered.


End file.
